Situation 1: Mom points toward Allan's room like a cop directing traffic and tells Allan to stop hitting his sister and go too his room. Mom leaves the room, shaking her head, thinking, I've tried everything.... Don't feel alone, Mom. This is where the vast majority of parents are stuck and are missing the chance to teach empathy.

Situation 2: In another house, not far down the street, the same hitting behavior is happening. This mom, though, is using a new approach, Unleashing Parental Love. She's trying to follow the rules, keep her feelings out of it, stay calm, and be interested in Becky's feelings. She stops to think: Take a couple of deep breaths, this is crazy, don't yell.... Mom starts by supporting Becky's upset feelings and asks her, calmly, what happened. Becky gives a play-by-play. Mom keeps trying to remember what to do next. Oh yeah. Don't lecture; keep supporting the feelings. She tells Becky it's to be upset when her sister grabs her favorite doll without asking, but not okay to hit. Becky thinks, What's got into Mom? Then Mom sets up a new rule: When Becky's upset she needs to come to Mom instead of hitting. If she hits her sister, she'll be sent to her room.

Mom's discipline is overflowing with empathy. Mom successfully put herself in Becky's shoes during discipline. Every one of us knows the joy and multiple benefits of empathy. We've all felt it and given it, but it's elusive when someone does something bad. And that's when it's needed most, feels the best, and does the most good.

Children who consistently feel empathy from their parents during discipline become empathic children and adults and routinely experience fulfilling, successful relationships and careers.

The parenting approach Mom used with Becky separates a child's behavior from feelings. Feelings are dealt with first and then discipline follows by setting firm, respectful limits.

The feeling, representing the core of the child at any given moment, is validated and split away from the bad behavior. All of a sudden the child feels loved (lovable, understood, and accepted) during discipline and learns a life-changing lesson: The child feels acceptable when a mistake is made and learns how to handle the acceptable feeling with appropriate behavior. Self-confidence and physical and mental health flourish. The big bonus: these children want to do the same thing with others.

Parents need to follow four steps to successfully unleash their love:

1. Set aside their feelings and thoughts at the beginning of a conflict.
2. Focus and validate the child's feelings first and then firmly and respectfully discipline.
3. Set expectations for 98% success at the beginning of a problem-solving situation.
4. Implement empathy communication skills such as listen 75% of the time; admit mistakes).

Every caring parent can learn to unleash their love and give the gift of empathy to their child. Experiencing and giving empathy is the lifeblood of enduring joy. Relationships, as well as mental and physical health, flourish.