By Shirley Slick

Pre-school children are very busy with both growing and learning. During these extremely important years, our children are learning to walk and talk. They are learning language skills, math skills, and social skills; and we hope they are developing a self-concept that says, "I know I can learn" and "I want to learn."

To guarantee our children do, indeed, develop this "I CAN" attitude, it is imperative that as we help our children navigate through these years, we structure their learning times so that they are successful and have a positive attitude about learning. Thus, if a child says, "This is too hard," this might be a cause for concern. Notice that I said it might be a concern. Your reaction to this statement is dependent upon what your child means by "too difficult." Their reason for saying "too hard" may not be that the material is too difficult.

Your first response needs to be asking your child why he/she feels it is "too hard." Your child might just be too tired and in need of a nap. Your child might equate "too hard" with "will take too long." The room might be too dark, too hot, too cold, too bright, etc., for the task. Your child may not understand what is to be done. Each of these situations can be easily rectified or the task postponed. Thus, you need not be concerned.

If you do find that the task is too difficult--usually because a skill is missing--then you should immediately respond with: "Oh, that's my fault. I forgot to..." or "I forgot that we first need to..." You need to take responsibility for the difficulty. You do not want your child to feel he/she failed or wasn't smart enough. Then you must quickly return to an easier task, praise your child's correct response, and then take a break. Be sure to end on a positive, successful note.

Any time that your child is working on learning, be listening for frustration. If you hear it or sense it, stop the activity, double-check the reason for the frustration, and then adjust the situation for success.

Always remember that your pre-schooler is just learning our language. (Think about yourself learning a new language.) Your child may not know the correct word to express what he is feeling. She may not mean what was said. Check on the actual feeling before you react.

On a personal note, as a math teacher, I know that many parents don't like math themselves and consider it difficult. If this describes you, be sure your don't let your feelings about math get transferred to your child. Never say that you know math is hard, or that you didn't like math, or your weren't good at math either. Children quickly take on the attitudes and feelings of the parents, and negative attitudes cause difficulty in school. You may need to practice saying positive things about math. Be sure, too, that you keep math learning periods short and successful.