By M Cranford

While a parent's main task in raising a pre-school child is to offer them plenty of love and lots of opportunity, one of the most important and difficult lessons to teach is the meaning of the word NO.

Many parents are frightened of conflict. Working parents can often feel the need to over-compensate for the time they are away from their child, and naturally want their time together to be happy and fun. They can make the mistake of thinking that saying YES is the best way to bond with their child, and this can a huge mistake.

Children are special, but so are we all. Children need to learn how to socialize, how to share, and that in life none of us can expect to get what we want as soon as we want it. So your child needs to learn what they can't have. They have to be told NO when they are too rough or spiteful when they have had enough treats, when they need to stop playing and get ready for bed or to go shopping. They need to learn to take turns, to help tidy up their toys and to join in with family life. It's hard, but if you are gently firm and consistent they will soon learn that no means no, and they will accept being told no without getting upset or angry.

The understanding of other people's rights is integral to this. Teach your child how to share space outside the house - to be aware of the other people around, not to push in front of people, to move to one side when someone else is passing by, to have good manners in public places like the park, the shops or a restaurant.

Teach them not to drop litter in the street, not to pick flowers in public places.

All this needs teaching by example. Show your child the proper way to behave and to speak to people. Help them to socialize, and to be the sort of person that other people can get on with.

In my first year of teaching small children I was shocked at the way perfectly nice children behaved in the cloakroom, getting their coats on. The majority would walk on any coat that had fallen on the floor, and would push past a child putting on their shoes so that they could get their bag. They had so little awareness of the rights of the other children to be able to get ready without being harassed, and no concept of taking turns. As a result, much teaching time was taken up with talking about basic behavior issues - behavior that should have been taught correctly at home.

As an ex-teacher, my plea to all parents of small children is to focus on the difficult but essential behavior issues and education in the broadest sense - loving stories, making and building things - rather than trying to get ahead with formal education. It will make life better for everyone in the long run.

My thoughts on a number of things including life, society, health and happiness are outlined in my short blogs at http://www.clevedonmag.com

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